Even fat people have dead friends

Many people come up to me and ask how they too can go from a 6 pack to 8 pack abs. A Japanese hooker recently asked to get a peak at my stomach little more than a week ago. Not being able to speak English, she even tried to get a look without permission. Ok, that anecdote is not entirely true, in point of fact she was actually a Chinese hooker but these are just trivial details.

The point is, what do I tell these people who ask how they too can be svelte? Just because they don’t have the time for 7 minute abs, is there nothing that they can do?

I tell these people to pour out the last bite of their food for their dead homeys. That’s right. Many of you already pour a swig out of your 40 to pay homage to your dead homeys. It’s the same thing. But with food. Just like pouring out liquor, take your last bite of pizza and throw it in the trash.

Even fat people have dead friends.

This way you will be giving big ups to your dead friends AND eating less. Most fat people eat at least 2000 calories a day. Pour out your last bite and even if its only 5% of each meal that will still take out over 100 calories a day.

I know what you are gonna say…“people don’t like me for all sorts of reasons and being fat is just one of them.” Sure, not being fat anymore won’t solve all of your problems, but at least it’s a start.

…You’re welcome.