Have you seen this girl?...She owes me $10

Was at a wedding the other night. Unfortunately, the local pub we went to for the after-party did not operate under the same "open bar" procedures.

To fix the problem I secured the services of a bar patron that looked particularly capable of performing "unofficial" waitressing. I immediately assigned her $50 and alcohol procurement duties.

A drink here and a drink there and she quickly came in handy. Imagine my surprise then, when 45 minutes after purchasing 2 cocktails, 3 beers, 1 water and 8 jukebox tunes for us she was nowhere to be found.

Now I am no mathematician but there is no way that 5 drinks at a townie bar in the middle of nowhere Ohio costs more than 40 dollars, I don't care what kind of tip you leave. Earlier I had split the tab for 5 Jaegerbombs AND cinco Dos Equis with Daniel and those TEN drinks had only been $40 combined. As far as any reasonable person is concerned I should have been due $10 change even after giving her a healthy tip.

Luckily as a Jew I collect on all of my debts. So we immediately googled this girl's obscure first name and incredibly found her picture (shown above). Now, all we have to go on is this picture, which is why we need your help.

If you see this girl, she owes me 10 bucks. She claims to live somewhere in Tennessee and was last seen wearing khaki shorts, a lanyard and a red t-shirt.

...You're Welcome

Ice Cream Hall of Fame Profile

Flavor: Dove, Unconditional Chocolate

Ingredients: Milk Chocolate, Dark chocolate swirl, Milk chocolate chunks, Solid layer of Chocolate Ganache across the top.

Delivery Vehicle: Pint size allows for finishing in one sitting.

Ideal Beverage Best pairing: Properly chilled bottle of Poland Spring, 2008.

% Daily value of Fat: 104% for the whole pint, 26% if you are a pussy.

% Daily value of Vitamin C: Less than 2%

Store Distribution: Mediocre. Not available at stores run by uninformed dumbasses.

Jew Appeal: Mixed - Kosher, yet not the best value.


...You're Welcome

"Realistic" Superheroes

There's a whole debate in movies about suspension of disbelief. Its pretty much a load of B.S.

I saw The Incredible Hulk. It was good. But it could have been better if it was more realistic.

Now you are probably saying, "ITS A FRICKING COMIC BOOK OF COURSE ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE REALISTIC!" You might have a point except that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the characters.

The Matrix is a great movie. But part of what makes it a great movie is that the characters act like real people. Sure, they are in a crazy invented world where you can stop bullets but the characters still act like they should IF that world did exist.

The problem with sci-fi movies that are annoyingly unrealistic is when the characters do dumb things. I don't know about you but if the Incredible Hulk DID exist, and I saw him, I would haul ass in the opposite direction. When I watch The Incredible Hulk (not the 2003 one, the new one), I can't stand when a human just stands there waiting to get in the Hulk's way. Idiots. Not realistic.

I don't care about people who say you have to have a "suspension of disbelief". I say the people in the movie still shouldn't act like dumbasses. And I don't think thats too much to ask.

...You're Welcome

Multiple Choice Blog Feedback

Please provide your multiple-choice blog feedback:

Category 1: Haters

A) This blog sucks.
B) What is the point?
C) This blog is great...for me to poop on
D) Delete this blog before anyone the people at work see it and fire you.
E) This blog is awesome, except for the content.
F) How are you able to suck in such a wide variety of ways?
G) I hope you haven't spent a lot of time on this crap.
H) I can't wait to tell all my friends about your blog...and how much it sucks.

Category 2: People Who Have Good Taste
I) I didn't know something this brilliant was even possible
J) This blog is amazing, how can I be more like you?
K) Are you single?
L) Pure Genius
M) Where can I send fan mail to?
N) I want to rate every post as 5 stars but I don't have time since there are just so many awesome ones
O) I am so excited about your new blog that I would like to do a guest blog post.
P) Your blog is so great that I refresh the website every 5 seconds to check for new posts, AND
I subscribed to it for my Google homepage, AND my Google Reader, AND I put it on my MyYahoo! page, AND I bookmarked it, AND I set my Facebook status to "checking the '...You're Welcome" blog.
Q) Thank You...

...You're Welcome


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Top 8 Things to say at your Internship...

The Top 8 Things to say at your Internship...when someone walks over to your desk and asks you a question that you don't know the answer to.


8) What happened to the good old days when all the intern had to do was blow the president?

7) There's no such thing as dumb questions, just dumb people.

6) I don't know, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

5) Listen, You Do The Math.

4) Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom (I hear that girls use this one all the time at bars and it works pretty well).

3) I don't care if we're both dudes, I can still claim sexual harassment if you push me on this.

2) Why don't I just go and print some TPS Reports while I'm at it. Would that make you happy?

1) I've got 99 problems, but being your b*tch ain't one.

...You're Welcome.