Top 13 Facebook Marketing Tips Part 1

Tips for marketing yourself on Facebook. Because there is no more important brand image to maintain than your own.

Part 1 of a two-part series....

13) Constantly update your Status

This one is a no brainer. If you don't update your status then why would you even bother marketing yourself via Facebook. If this applies to you, then I suggest that you focus your efforts instead on helping to improve my facebook brand image.

12) Comment on your own Status

By lengthening the visual space surrounding your Status Message you separate it a bit from the neighboring Status Messages in the list.  This makes it more likely to catch the eye of friends scrolling through the list, helping to give prominence to whatever pointless thing it is that you are doing.

11) Blog about your Facebook Status

Cross-promotion is essential. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1304195&ref=profile

10) Be either the first or the last to wish someone happy birthday.

If you are first to post on their wall then everyone with subsequent birthday wishes will notice that you were first. If you are last then anyone checking the profile later will see you as the most recent posting.

9) Post on other people's Walls whenever you have any excuse to.

There are two reasons for this: 1) People will see it and think of you, and 2) The recipient is likely to reciprocate by posting a message onto your Wall boosting your implied popularity.

8) Delete any News Feed messages on your Wall that are unflattering.

For example, if someone posts on your Wall that "you are just a dumbass trying to get attention on Facebook" then apply the golden rule: They are a dumbass and their post should be deleted.

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Top 13 Facebook Marketing Tips Part 2

The eagerly anticipated Part 2...

7) Do not Tag Photos on the same day that you upload them.

This will encourage people to view all of your photos instead of just the ones that they are tagged in. Then, go back and tag all of these photos a day or two later. This second step is essential so that your act of Tagging appears in people's News Feeds for a second time (in addition to the time when you simply uploaded).

6) Do not comment on photos on the same day that you upload or tag them.

This is for the same reason as in #7. Upload photos for attention. Comment on them later for more attention...

5) Encourage people to change their settings so that YOU appear in their News Feed more frequently.

Direct them to the lower left box on this page: http://www.new.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/feed_prefs.php

4) Toggle your Profile Picture constantly.

This is vital. It is done to increase the number of times that you appear in other people's News Feeds. They will see not just your name, but a visual image to help keep you top of mind. Keep in mind that you do not need a constant supply of new pictures. Simply choose your best ones and toggle back and forth between them.

3) Call attention to your Relationship Status by toggling it back and forth to "Single".

This is #4, only applied to a different component of your profile. It is recommended for females only and is executed by changing your relationship status from "Single" to no relationship status listed. Now check your Wall and delete the evidence (the line item that says "Charlize is no longer single"). Wait a day, then go ahead and toggle it back to "Single". Your wall will now show a nice fresh new message reminding the world that "Charlize is now single".

2) Properly format your Profile Picture Thumbnail.

People will see this version of your profile picture more often than the entire photo itself, so it is vital that the thumbnail doesn't cut off your head.

1) Only allow other people to "co-star" in your Profile Picture strategically.

Do not take this lightly. As Confusious probably would have said, were he still alive: "When in doubt, cut them out." Others should only be allowed to appear alongside you when they are a clear value-add. Examples include: Someone of the opposite sex that is impressively hot, someone that is known to be good looking but happens not to look good in this picture (on a relative basis you will look good next to them), a cute baby, a cute dog, etc, etc.

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Birthday Gift Guidelines

[I am not serious...]

...but here are some Birthday Gift Guidelines. If you don't know what I am talking about, please check the Birthdays section of your Facebook homepage.

1) Anything that you are shipping should be sent to:

2211 Hillsborough Rd
Apt 4113
Durham, NC 27705

2) If you procrastinated, don't worry about doing the express shipping. Save the money, add it to the value of the gift, and just apologize profusely for it showing up late.

3) I wear a Men's Medium.

4) No, ice cream does not make a particularly good birthday gift.

5) Yes, I am registered at Williams-Sonoma.

6) No, I do not mind if you get me a gift on your own or if you pool together with others.

7) No, money is not an impersonal gift.

8) Whether I got you anything is irrelevant. Your birthday was a while ago.

9) No, you can never have enough Blu-Ray players.

10) Yes, a gift receipt is probably a good idea.


As usual, I am not serious, but I do mean it when I say...
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"Top 5 Games - Duke/UNC in Cameron"

The Big Game is wednesday night, 9pm.





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12 Year Olds Did This

I enjoyed it. Courtesy of E. Fun.




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Top 9 Belated Channukah Gifts

As a Jew, these are some of the things that I would like to have received.

One for each night of Channukah. Apologies if I spelled Channukah wrong.

9) Bacon

8) Dreidels

7) Coupons

6) Bagels

5) Coupons for free Bagels

4) One of those wallet-size "Tip Calculator" cards (must go down to at least 10% or lower)

3) An actual wallet

2) Money

1) A wallet with money in it


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"The Republican Downfall"

Courtesy of FuquaVision, and not for the illiterate readers of my blog...

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You’re Broke, Tax Like It

[This article (by me) is reprinted from The Fuqua Times. It is intended for Second Year (SY) business school students.]

Face it, as an SY, you’re broke. You’re massively in debt. You barely earned five figures this summer. You ain’t payin’ sh*t in taxes. Or iz you?

If your only income this calendar year is the $20,000 you made this summer, you’re probably in a pretty low tax bracket. This is where your good old down-40% 401k comes in. You’re going to have to pay taxes on those 401k distributions eventually, why not take the tax hit now? When are you ever going to be in a lower tax bracket than you are this year?

Top 10 Most Pretentious Bottled Waters

10) Glaceau Smartwater - Sometimes a name doesn't say a lot about the people drinking it.

9) Perrier/Gerolsteiner/S. Pellegrino - These waters are carbonated which means you are not only pretentious but you also hate for your water to taste good.

8) Ethos - Its not enough to pay $4 for a cup of coffee, you go to Starbucks to get ripped off on bottled water too.

6) Fiji - I have seen Jews at school saving their empty bottles and refilling them at the water fountain. MUST be expensive.

5) Voss - Norwegian, Artesian, and the name most likely to come up when playing the word association game and giving the person the phrase "pretentious bottled water".

4) Evian - Evian coming in at only #4 is not to say that the French aren't pretentious, just that they have gotten a little cocky about being pretentious and let others catch up.

3) Trump Ice - Nothing says cla$$y like drinking water with a giant close up picture of Donald Trump's mug on it.

2) Sly Pure Glacial Water - Because when you think premium bottled water the first thing that you think of is water officially sponsored by Sylvester Stalone. $16 per gallon.

1) Bling H2O - Paris Hilton was alleged seen pouring some of this water for her dog. That might not have been enough to make it #1, except for the fact that it costs $40 a bottle.


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Yerry Jang

So Citigroup announces today that they are going to cut costs by firing 52,000 people and the stock goes down.

Meanwhile Yahoo! fires only ONE guy and within hours the stock goes up in value by $500 million.

Say what you will about executive compensation being out of hand (having the right CEO might not be worth the huge salary), but having the wrong guy sure costs you a ton.

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SITC

[Spoilers Alert]

Sex In The City has apparently made it to the DVD shelves, so I figured I should see what all the fuss was about. I was shocked! It was actually not a terrible movie if you take away all the male bashing. This was one of the biggest surprises of a movie that I was shocked to enjoy, the likes of which haven't been seen since "Music & Lyrics". But, as I continue to perpetually learn the hard way, one should never underestimate Hugh Grant. But anyway, back to SITC...

SERIOUSLY, why so much dude hating?

Steve cheats on Miranda once and she is completely done with him? Come on. They hadn't had sex for 6 months!? WTF?! No, that is not a typo, according to the script it says "6 months" and that was confirmed by the Director when I listened to his commentary on the DVD. I mean if its been 6 months I think that you have to forgive him for cheating. Maybe no sex for another 3 months as punishment or something but certainly you have to take him back.

And none of the other 3 girls can frickin say something to Miranda?! I mean what is the point of having 3 other broads on the show if none of them has the balls to talk some sense into her. Ridiculous.

Meanwhile all the little girls watching at home are thinking "when I grow up I am going to hate men". Good job SITC [this last comment is meant to be sarcastic].

And lets talk about BIG. He is 5 minutes late for a wedding. 5 MINUTES! What, like a girl has never been late for anything before?! A girl has never been a little less than punctual at her own wedding before? Seriously? In New York? With all that traffic? I mean, WTF. Think about it...he doesn't show, she flips and leaves, then he finds her in the street. Ok, there you go, he finds her in the street and then they turn around and go back to the church. Like the people are going to suspect something is up because the bride and groom show up 5 minutes late? Come on! Ridiculous. It would have been fine.

But NO. Instead, Carrie has to try to break BIG's jaw with the bouquet. Instead, little girls everywhere are watching and thinking "if he's ever late for anything, I should physically assault him with whatever weapon is most readily available." Great. Thanks SITC for setting such a shining example for the young females of America.

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"The Great Schlep"

If you are not Jewish you can skip this one...


The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.
Play

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"Don't Vote!"

Technically, if you watch this then you have to get 5 other people to go to my blog and watch it too...



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Matt Damon rips Palin

Not intended to be funny, but it is interesting...



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Jon Stewart & the Sarah Palin coverage

Pretty awesome if you are the type that hates Fox News...

(Thanks to Priscilla for sending this)



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Fukwa Day 1 Winners/Losers

Day 1 Winner

Courage

Day 1 Loser

Hour-long speeches about Courage

Day 1 Loser

The cancelled Fuquavision show that apparently would have only had a 12 minute timeslot anyway.

Day 1 Winner

The inspiring 2 hour afternoon session in Geneen that did NOT get cancelled.

Day 1 Winner

Fukwa dean's news that we "did not lose any professors to other big competitor schools".

Day 1 Loser

People who must have lied when they told me that we actually did lose multiple professors such as strategy Professor Lichael Mennox to UVA.

Day 1 Winner

People who wanted to eat Ice Cream for dinner. [There was an Ice Cream Social at 6pm]

Day 1 Loser

People who feel that if the new cafeteria is so great maybe it should actually be open for dinner.

Day 1 Winner

The newly installed sleeping gas machine in Geneen.

Day 1 Winner

Leaders of consequence

Day 1 Loser

People with big mouths AND kneecaps.

Day 1 Winner

People who like getting a coursepack without being billed $300 on their bursar account.

Day 1 Winner

People who no longer have to receive Lebuff sends emails.

Day 1 Loser

People who get to receive spam from Wed Tilliams instead.

Day 1 Winner

The statistics in "Good to Great" that everyone agrees are ironclad.

Day 1 Loser

The statistics in "Good to Great" that have an "n" of 11.

Day 1 Winner

People who like starting school at 8am.

Day 1 Loser

People who like starting school at 7am (losers because we don't start at 7am until Day 2).

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Ten Terrible Business Ideas

In case the finding a job thing didn't work out for you this summer, here are some terrible business ideas...

www.Things-Ebay-Won't-Let-You-Auction-Off-But-We-Will.com

Sort of like being able to waltz onto an airplane with a bagful of liquids and a vodka laced Slurpee. I'm pretty sure eBay won't let you auction off a vodka laced Slurpee on their website, but we sure as hell will.

www.RandomLetterGenerator.com

Like with numbers, but with letters.

NetBooks

Like Netflix, but for books! Like a library, but you get to pay!

WonderBoxers

Like the wonderbra, but a different sort of lift.

The Floating Bathing Suit

Includes two floating cup holders as well.

The Spring Olympics

Who decided that Winter deserved the Olympics but Spring didn't?!? WTF!!! This would instantly be the second best season with an Olympics.

www.duke.fuqua.edu/DE-PLAGIARIZER/

Paste any content and our thesaurus randomly replaces words with synonyms. Now you're no longer plagiarizing, you're just paraphrasing!

www.Pretend-You-Have-Been-There.com

We'll send postcards "from you" postmarked in Hawaii. We'll photoshop you into pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower...You sit on your couch while we convince you're friends that you're a world-traveler.

The 13oz beer can

Almost 10% more beer than usual.

Hand-Sanitizer-Body-Wash

For the shower. Good for the environment. No water needed.

Incoming Email Spell Checker

Quickly find spelling mistakes from your friends' emails and point them out to everyone with automated reply-all's.

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If you are fan of The Hills...

You might enjoy some Justin Bobby...

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

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What the f*ck are these people doing on my bed?!?!

Seriously. I randomly found this photo on facebook. Guess who's room this is? MINE! That's my bed! In Durham! But I'm in Pittsburgh! WTF!

Guess who this girl is?

I DONT KNOW WHO THE HELL IT IS EITHER!

Guess who the camera guy is?

I have no clue.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THE CAMERA GUY IS!!!

Luckily, I do know the dude on the right, but I don't know why he is running game ON MY BED.

Why is my roommate renting out my room by the hour!?! The room isn't even unpacked. You can barely walk in there because there are boxes all over.

Anyway, if anyone would like free sheets and a comforter, I will be giving mine away. Let me know if you want them. They are pictured above.


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Dinner at Ikea: $2.50

I accidentally stumbled on a gold mine for poor people everywhere: 2 Hot Dogs, 1 Bag of Chips and a Bottomless Soda for only $2.50 at Ikea.

And I'm pretty sure I could have just walked out without even doing any shopping.

I think I am going to recommend it for dinner to the next homeless guy I run into. I figure that Joe homeless guy could grab a couple dogs and then just park himself in one of those Swedish beds for the night. Ikea generally saves money by not having a lot of staff on hand in the showroom so I doubt anybody would notice him.

Especially if he goes for the top bunk in one of those Kid themed rooms.

That's pretty much a 5 star hotel experience for the homeless at the bargain rate of $2.50 a night (with room service included).

So if you are a homeless person reading my blog OR if you are just a cheap bastard with an Ikea near you...

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