Clearly non Christmas celebrating Cab Driver: How is your Christmas going?
Me: Not good. I got bupkis from Santa.
Clearly Middle Eastern Cabbie: What’s bubkis?
Me: Its Yiddish for “nothing”.
Clearly ESL Cabbie: Maybe Santa doesn’t speak Yiddish.
Me: I think you are missing my point.
Cabbie: So what was all that noise when I picked you up?
Me: Oh that was the neighbors kids.
Cabbie: Its 1:45am!
Me: I know! These kids must have gotten into the secret stash of Four Loko cuz they are bouncing off the walls in the backyard.
Cabbie: Backyards don't have walls, they have fences.
Me: Thank you for pointing out my oversight.
Cabbie: What are they doing over there?
Me: They are running around in a big circle and screaming.
Cabbie: Why?
Me: I think they are trying to flag down Santa.
Cabbie: Does that work?
Me: I dunno, but they looked like a bunch of starved castaways...on a desert island...trying to flag down a passing plane...like their life depended on it; so yeah I think they’ve actually got a shot at it.
Cabbie: I don't believe that Santa Claus is actually real.
Me: What gave it away?
Cabbie: I realized a year or two ago that it's just very unrealistic. Having thought about it, I think it is pretty obvious that Santa isn’t real.
Me: You might be on to something.
Cabbie: Did you know that Santa’s not even in the bible?
Me: That’s cool that you skimmed through the bible looking for references to Santa. Way to do your research.
Cabbie: I’m Islamic…
Me: [Feigning surprise…]
Cabbie: You want to know the much more realistic story that we teach our kids?
Me: [Feigning interest…]
Cabbie: [Proceeds to give me a surprisingly thorough and unsurprisingly passionate 30 second rendition of the story of Abraham's Sacrifice.]
Me: [After hearing about how the angel flew down from heaven with a sheep…] At least you are not lying to your kids about some crazy made up story like this whole Santa thing. Your hoax is much more reasonable.
Cabbie: [Proudly offers his hand in the hopes that I will shake it.]
Me: [I oblige.]
Cabbie: Have a great night!
Me: Merry Christmas!
Cabbie: Thank you!
Me: ...You're Welcome
